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Re: father brainwashes son. help

Posted by pegasus on September 14, 2011, at 9:20:05

In reply to Re: father brainwashes son. help, posted by Raisinb on September 13, 2011, at 22:54:19

In some places, if you suspect child abuse, you are legally required to report it. This is true in Texas, for example, and I think in Canada. Here is a good web site to read first:

That said, I've had involvement with child protective services several times, and while I know they do the best they can and are overworked and underpaid, I also know that the outcome is not always what one might hope.

In this case, it sounds like there is no hard evidence that the dad has abused the son, although I agree that it sounds like he probably has, based on the son's behavior. I think it sounds like sexual abuse, personally. I don't know exactly what CPS would do with this report, since the boy has not reported any abuse. What I worry about is that they'll interview the dad, and probably the mom. It's so important to try to leave kids with their parents whenever possible, that they could conceivably decide not to remove the son. And that might leave the son in a very vulnerable position with his abusive dad.

Personally, what I would do in this situation is find a way to tell the son that if he ever wants to tell you something difficult or secret, you promise to believe him and listen to him about what he wants, and to not freak out. And you might throw in there that you and others can help him and protect him, if he ever needs that. And then maybe leave it for then. Walk away. Give him space. Just make it clear that you are there for him.

And then if he ever tells you something, stay calm, believe him, listen to him, ask him what he wants to do. Even if you know that you're definitely going to report it. That way, there is a chance that you can get him to decide with you to report the abuse. The advantage there is that it leaves you as a resource for him, instead of as someone he thinks betrayed him.

Just my 2 cents.

- P




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