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Re: just don't know what to do... *suicide trigger* sleepygirl2

Posted by jane d on September 3, 2011, at 16:01:00

In reply to just don't know what to do... *suicide trigger*, posted by sleepygirl2 on September 2, 2011, at 22:52:36

> I told my pdoc that I want to reduce meds soon. It's not that I'm feeling all that great, I'm not really, it's just that I think maybe I have to be honest that my problems are just inherent in me, and that isn't something medication can help.

I'm not sure I agree, but if medication won't help than what will? Do you have something else in mind other than just "sucking it up" ? I'm concerned that this is just a way of you saying "nothing can help me - I'm hopeless" or "I'm just not trying hard enough" . And if it is then you most definitely are not ok. And you more than ever need some kind of help. Probably the medications you want to stop taking. Or different ones.

> ... I feel like I might be taking advantage of people, behaving the way I have, and failing to "get better".

So it's all your fault? Is it everyone's fault who fails to get better? Or just yours? (and mine of course ;-) )

> but then I's because he wants to help you, but you can't be helped, so you can't just keep going like this because it's comfortable, it's not right.


> sometimes I believe that I just pay too much attention to myself, but my head just goes anyway.
> ehh....there's no simple answer to this
> damn it, I guess sometimes I just think I need to get over myself.

Excessive guilt?

It's not easy figuring out when you need to "get over yourself" and when you really need to take yourself seriously and ask for help. Sometimes I wonder if it's ever possible when you're in the middle of it. I've never really mastered it. To me it sounds as though you are taking way too much responsibility for everything that happened. And I worry that you are doing so not because you are freely choosing responsibility but because you are compelled to do so by some brain mechanism that we don't understand that has run amuck.

I worry that I'm not understanding you the way your pdoc and therapist seem to not understand right now. I hope you'll correct me if I've totally missed the points that are important to you.





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