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Re: aging issues in and out of therapy pegasus

Posted by lucielu2 on August 20, 2011, at 17:04:03

In reply to aging issues in and out of therapy, posted by pegasus on August 19, 2011, at 11:38:12

Interesting thread. I'll be 60 next year.

I'm having trouble getting my thoughts together and have already started - and erased - several posts. It seems there are multiple ways I think about myself in the context of aging, and they don't always integrate very well.

On the plus side, I'm blessed with good genes and I do exercise for fitness. Especially since my husband, who's almost 5 years older than me, is exceptionally fit and I don't want him looking at me like I'm passing him in the aging department.

On the negative side, I seem to be losing my waist and jawline and I admit that I find this depressing. I am also very paranoid that I will end up looking like my mother, who gained a lot of weight as she got older. I have a lot of uncomfortable issues with my mother and I'm not really keen on being like her, especially as I age. I want to be different. I think this too drives me to try to stay young-looking. Clearly, this is something I'm going to have to work on because someday, if I'm lucky, eventually I will in fact reach her age.

While I have had to face losing my youthful looks, I've been lucky enough to be partially insulated at work, where I have a senior position that brings me some measure of respect. As I have aged, I have entered that male domain of trading youth for power, in a sense. The problem is going to be... what happens when I quit my job, my kids no longer need me (as you know, that's already happening), and my body just keeps going downhill despite my best efforts? I have a lot of fears about that. Aging really makes you feel a loss of control.

I can't talk to my T about any of the physical stuff. It's too embarrassing. He's the same age as my husband, and in reasonably good shape. I just don't want my aging self in the same therapy room as "me" - the one who does not feel any older than when we started years ago. Yet I see his aging, his balding. I wonder what we would say to each other if we really had an open conversation about this?

 

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