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Re: nausea Willful and Annierose Willful

Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 6, 2011, at 23:24:52

In reply to Re: nausea, posted by Willful on February 5, 2011, at 14:33:05

Willful and Annierose,

Thank you for your responses. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with me.

One thing I can say about my sessions-- there certainly is anxiety and fear in my sessions, but there is also something else. The sessions are in fact part of the cycle. I can *feel it within the deepest part of my being-- an ebb and flow throughout the week around my session. Automatically-- the day of the session, I feel a little ray of safety and relief that grows until I am in the presence of my therapist. As the session draws towards a close, especially the last five minutes, I feel despair. When I leave, often the rest of the day is ruined. The deepest despair is after the session ends and when I have 5 days or nearly a week until the next session. But as that next session gets closer, the terrible deep, suicidal despair goes a little bit. That is the despair that I need to share with him in a session-- but the very nature of the session makes it go away for a little while. But I am not sure how long this is going to last-- I am beginning to feel the despair and weariness of the whole cycle-- session or not.

About medicine-- thanks for sharing your thoughts. I must say that I become very upset thinking about it still. I can't quite share all of the reasons why here. Willful, it sounds like you know a lot more about this than I do, but I really still find myself believing-- even if it is a myth-- that medication flattens out everything. I am afraid it will leave me feeling more alone and confused than ever. I might talk to my therapist about it, though. At least I could do that.

But as Sig says, some of the things that I feel are causing me so much pain, medicine can't fix-- time. Not knowing how to be. which way to go. what to do. who to be. death. time. memories that are so vivid but gone. and feeling haunted.

But I will talk to my therapist about it.




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