Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 4, 2011, at 16:23:10

I just screwed up an interview. I got in there, and what happens all the time around people, happened again. I was asked a question and went completely blank-- words began coming from my mouth, very quickly, that I couldn't control. I felt mortified. This happened again and again. I left feelig so fake-- that is how I feel all the time.

I can't handle it. I feel angry towards my therapist for no reason-- I think just because he is absent right now. Also, because his schedule is so full, and I have been added on top of this, I still don't have a regular time to meet. We shift around. I can hardly make it for one week...but sometimes, like this week, I have to go one week and two days. We met last Monday and aren't meeting again until next.

I think the weekend would be easier for me if I just knew that I could see him on Monday-- but it is Monday plus more days. I just can't handle this. I feel angry toward him because I have these extra days to wait-- I wonder if he knows.

Suicidal thoughts were so strong today. Sometimes I plan out a date 4 weeks away. I don't know if I would do it. I need to know. I feel like I need to prove it to myself and to my therapist too.

I can't keep doing this. As I get closer and closer to May, I am heading for a spiral and a void. I will have to leave my therapist and have no plans. I feel like I don't exist-- I am a fake.

Dear God, I don't how I will make it through the weekend. I want out.




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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Annabelle Smith thread:978655