Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Posted by Annabelle Smith on January 28, 2011, at 15:11:05

In reply to Re: session, posted by Annabelle Smith on January 26, 2011, at 19:48:31

I am sorry for my tone in the last post. I just felt so overwhelmed and pissed in the moment. I have seen my friend since, and we have had a conversation, though it has not been very much therapy-related. I think I have just burned her out with my therapy problems.

I bet that-- in my refusal to take medication-- you all feel like I am being stubborn, non-sensical, and am ignoring all of the help that you and others are trying to offer. I am not ignoring what you are saying, and I am *actively seeking help.

I am trying to understand from your perspective; I hope you can understand from mine.

What happens to me in sessions is so strange. I think the word may be dissociation, but I find myself having a session but not being present. Last session, I couldn't say much in any depth. Each time I would try to go beneath the surface, I hit a wall of embarrassment that feels unbearable to cross. And so I backed away and sat in silence.

We talked about my attachment to him. He asked me what feels so bad about it to me. I am not sure I know but we shirted around what I think it is. He kept asking me what would be so wrong with me being attached. I didn't say this but the truth is that it feels inappropriate. My feelings towards him aren't romantic-- I know they aren't. But it is still a deep love, a love that I think may be more primal and may be deeper than romantic love. Because it is so deep, I feel like I am doing something bad, but I can't help how I feel. I am stuck.

There are other things that I need to talk to him about but feel embarrassed to do so. The deep sense of embarrassment and feeling of shame is so deep that I don't know how to pass through it.
And so I often remain silent. And waste time. And feel distressed.




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poster:Annabelle Smith thread:977638