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Re: My story - long

Posted by Solstice on January 5, 2011, at 15:49:12

In reply to My story - long, posted by Daisym on January 5, 2011, at 1:47:09

What my gut reaction is, based on my own experiences mind you, is that both of you need time to just process it. Especially you. It sounds to me like his reaction called up a lot of stuff for you, including shame and rejection.

Some ruptures can be talked about as they happen, or soon thereafter, and resolved in a way that supports a stronger connection. Some, though, might take time to process. Maybe what he needs to do right now is help you move to something completely unrelated to the rupture and the csa that triggered it.. something really bland and safe... and let the relationship itself (rather than him trying to address it with words) be what you need it to be. If the relationship can 'hold' you, and he can remain emotionally available and non-defensive.. then when your insides have processed it better, it might be easier to get a better resolution.

I've had a few things like that take place in my therapy. One thing I'll always be grateful for is my therapist's ability to be responsive to whatever rises to the surface. So I can set someting aside for a while and come back to it later - and T can sense the significance of it and will give it the responsiveness it deserves, despite the passage of time.





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