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Re: T's + daughters + weddings... emmanuel98

Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2010, at 12:20:29

In reply to Re: T's + daughters + weddings..., posted by emmanuel98 on August 13, 2010, at 21:53:50

> My T said I didn't love him because I didn't really know him. I told him I loved him the way my daughter loved me. That's not love, he said, that's dependence. Love means putting another's needs before your own. That's not what therapy is about.

That seems like such a narrow definition of love. I think kids can love their parents. Certainly if something happens to their parents, kids who loved their parents don't forget all about them and attach to the next person who can meet their needs. You can be dependent and hate your parents. You can be dependent and love your parents. Kids often want parents to be happy, and a good number of them leave their own needs unmet while trying to do what they think is best for their parents.

That's like saying dogs don't really love us, because they're dependent on us. I don't believe that. Because they don't always love us, contrary to popular belief. So if some do, why is that love not love at all?

It's a different *kind* of love than the love between a mature loving couple, certainly. But love it is.

It's a bit more to the point that you don't really know him. Would you still love him if you found out he was a political extremist in the extreme opposite yours? If you found out he hated dogs? That he was supremely selfish to his family members? There is no real way of knowing our therapists, outside their therapy selves.




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