Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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I feel 'sick'

Posted by obsidian on August 7, 2010, at 10:42:58

I wouldn't usually classify myself that way. I don't really believe that I have a "mood disorder", but do believe that the medications help me, so whatever. It's the anxiety beyond anything that's been my nemesis.

but right now...I feel fragile. I feel like I am in need of contact with mental health professionals.'s August...that month that strikes fear into all who seek comfort in their treatment providers ;-)

I feel like I've been hurt by my mother tremendously lately. She's doing the "you don't exist to me" thing lately. I know it's her issue, but she is my mother, and it brings back all the other times she has done similar things.
and also my father's manner of not acknowledging or caring enough to address my existence. It's an unfortunate time to tolerate the physical absence of my T and pdoc too.

I also find that when I do something "wrong" it spirals into this thing about how awful I am which triggers thoughts about hurting myself....don't worry, I never do, in any significant way. I am not disconnected enough socially to do that, and I don't want to hurt anyone, and I do believe that life is a gift.
..the thoughts do come though.

My cat died too...and it was an agonizing thing, the putting her to sleep, the reconciling that nothing we did further could really help her to any great extent...and I am, I guess, recovering from an extended period of daily marijuana use. I forgot to take meds a couple of times. I showed up high at a therapy session (not that I said that outright, and I don't know how obvious it was), kind of because it was my fashion to be out of it as much as possible, and I had a hard time abstaining for a period long enough to allow me to be clear headed. Geez, I was even high at work one day.
Opinions vary about marijuana use. My T expreses his belief that it destabilizes my mood. What mood disorder? I think. ...but the "functioning" thing, nah, I don't do that thing so well, not from that little cave.
Either way, I am abstaining for the time being (except for last night)

I also find myself, by certain circumstances, out of frequent contact with some very good and grounding sort of friends. They are the type of friends that don't come around so frequently in life, and it has been my good fortune to know them. I have made plans to see them soon.

I suppose I am doing what anyone without a T or pdoc would do, dealing with life on its terms, as I did for much of my life without treatment.
I truly could have used it starting in childhood, certainly in my teenage and early adult years. So, "sucking it up" is the operative term there.
My T said I could call if I needed to, but I sort of think that'd be rude.

I feel like my life is an endurance test.

...and my dog left me, my pickup truck died, and I haven't got two cents to rub together (that last one is true)
;-) this last sentence is my pointing out that I feel like one of those country songs about how everything has gone to crap

...anyway, nothing much to do now except say it all, and so I've said some of it...




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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:obsidian thread:957638