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Re: I'm not sure I like superlatives fayeroe

Posted by Dinah on July 21, 2010, at 11:52:20

In reply to Re: I'm not sure I like superlatives, posted by fayeroe on July 20, 2010, at 20:08:33

Now you see, my mother is nothing like that. She probably bad mouths me from time to time behind my back, but I can hardly complain about that, can I? :)

She's always been supportive of me, and my goals. She's nothing but pleasant towards me. Nothing but pleasant as long as I don't cross her will I should say. Or introduce the pesky concept of reality to her "Harold and the Purple Crayon" world. Then she admits to me (with regard to others of course, not me) that she uses rages and tantrums to get her way. But she always apologizes later. Still, I'm frankly terrified of her even if she hardly ever raised a hand to me.

It's hard for me to reconcile the woman who loves children, and was a wonderful teacher, with this woman. Every value I have, she taught me. I inherited a lot from my dad, but the basis of who I am came from her. I'm not saying she wasn't this way before of course. Certainly it's gotten worse with age. But it was better when Daddy was around.

I'm pretty sure that when I'm too old to have dogs, I want to die. To me that would be the worst part of getting older and losing my independence.

Which has to be scary to anyone, much less someone like my mother. Who has never been less than independent (even to people like soon to be former bosses) in her life.

I hate to feel this way about her. And maybe it would be better for all concerned if I just quit feeling responsible for her and quit worrying about her future. She'll land on her feet like a cat no matter what, while I fret and worry. But my father sort of left her to me. I don't want to let him down.

 

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