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Re: I'm not sure I like superlatives

Posted by fayeroe on July 20, 2010, at 20:08:33

In reply to Re: I'm not sure I like superlatives fayeroe, posted by Dinah on July 20, 2010, at 19:18:45

> To be fair to my mother, I would never call her abusive. My problems with her are purely financial and trying to keep a house over her head, because as God as my witness she's not living with me.

My mother was passive-aggressive in the sweetest of ways . "Do you like your hair that way?" "Did you forget to change?" And those are the least abusive of her repertoire. Any answer was the wrong one. As I grew older and became an adult, she really got down and dirty. I was visiting her in a hospital (hip surgery) and when I went to leave I told her that I had a doctor's appointment. She said (loudly) "do you have a venereal disease?"......and on and on up until she had the strokes and couldn't talk. Her mind was very sharp. She was just mean.
>
> When he said that it was the worst situation he's ever seen, he was only talking about that aspect.

I understand.
>
> She's a bit... well, my therapist says "insane" but I don't know if he meant that in a clinical sense. Certainly she's got political views that are... extreme. It's almost impossible to talk to her sometimes, and I've had to make firm boundaries on what are and aren't ok topics of conversation if she wants me to stay.

I had to put boundaries up also because we had opposing views on issues that we important to me and she knew how to stick the knife in. I was appointed to be on the board of directors of Planned Parenthood in OKC and I heard about that for the entire 5 years I served.
>
> But if it weren't for the fact that I worry about what's going to happen to her, and feel responsible, I would be able to handle the rest. It's just that every time I look at her I see a millstone of at least a ton that will pull me down and grind me to dust.

I have sisters and we all cared for my parents. I can understand how it hard it is to feel responsible for her by yourself and worry about it a lot. You can't be ground to dust. Please don't think that. I used to leave my mother's house feeling lower than anything. We can't think like that.
>
> She's never really done anything to tear up her parent card. She loves me in her own way. If I could walk away and not give a d*mn, it would be a lot easier.

As far as I know, my mother never told me she loved me. My dad did. He started telling me when I told him. He was in his 80s. I would tell my mother and she would give me the harshest look. I quit telling her. Our family didn't hug or touch. I got it started when I married and moved away. I can tell that some of them are still very uncomfortable with it. Makes me wonder how they managed to have children.
>
> I know what you mean about our kids. I told my son that if I ever turn into my mother, he has my permission to abandon me. He said "ok" with perfect composure. :)

I've told mine to leave me at the ranch with food, water and several pets and one good gun to scare help away........:-)

 

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poster:fayeroe thread:955136
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100706/msgs/955211.html