Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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I can't tell you yet.....

Posted by obsidian on July 13, 2010, at 19:58:58

about how hard things have been
I guess I did, just a heads up,
and a "know that I can handle it, it'll be ok".
while not feeling like that so much, that I can handle it

you see she said to me in words and gestures
you will get nothing from me
you will never be happy
I don't know if I will forget you or not,
but I don't want to remember you right now
you are trying to hurt me
I wanted to leave, first time in the morning on an airplane, to get away from you faster.

"ok, ok I said, it's alright, really."
"....everything's always alright with you", she snarled.
"I want to go home." (as she looks out the window)
"I want to go home."

", it's been really hot around here lately...", I say to the other two people at the table
banter, banter

My sister sits there, and she hugs her and says "see, this is what you do. you get angry, get really silent, and start throwing jabs at everyone, and nobody ever knows what they've done"

"I understand you're angry with me." (while I'm thinking...'but are torturing me')
which she denies...she's just "disappointed".
I don't know what that means.

with my brother:
"was that real?" I ask
"was that normal?" I ask
"how can she do that?" I ask
"she's really just trying to hurt me...."
"yeah", comes the answer from the other end of the phone

previous day:

so, I stand there at the graveside
I was just in time to see the burial.
I had made the mistake of looking down, at the gravestone of my grandfather, next to whom she would be placed, and it hit me hard that he had been a good and gentle man.

and so I couldn't keep from crying, and my sister held me and said "I know".

Different people took shovels of dirt and put it onto the box. "See you later", my sister said. "We love you", said my brother. They hugged each other crying.

My brother came over, looking so sad, but keeping a grim smile, and I hugged him tight, and I said "I'm sorry".

and I feel so alone, too late in the story to be a main character, because I did not know her, and I don't remember much, but the things I remember are not good. I can remember some good things though.

so after that in a stranger's house (to whom I am some distant relative) I bided time while they did the picture thing, and ate and talked, but no one wanted to stay for very long.

One has to wonder why I even went. It's a good question. I wanted to see my family, meaning my mother, neices and siblings. It probably was a bad thing to do.

distance between the stars...that's from some poem,
right next to each other, but so incredibly far apart

pdoc asked me if I thought I was depressed. I said, "yeah, I am a little. It'll be ok though."
I think he knows that it hurts.

"It's ok." I've said a number of times in the past few days.

I can't tell you yet.




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