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I had one of the worst days I've had in a while...

Posted by obsidian on July 12, 2010, at 0:16:17

seriously, my mother did a Joan Crawford today...
holy sh*t
she really did
and I remember why it is that I am not close to her
my ever calm and steady boyfriend said to her "there is no reason to be nasty, and you are really pissing me off."
I'm still reeling, and feeling like someone ripped out my heart and said "you didn't need this did you??"...but no, that would be a sign of consideration for another's feelings, and there was simply none of that.
I did my best to not respond. I did not get flustered (in appearance) despite the bile thrown at me. I waited until I got into the car to break down.

and yesterday I saw relatives I did not recognize at a burial service because I have been estranged from that side of the family for forever...I went for the sake of memories from very long ago, and to see my siblings and mother.
I ended up feeling like I just didn't belong.

I practically obliterated myself (in mind only) yesterday.
I'm swimming in waters that are just too deep, and the sharks are circling.

I think I need some therapy, but T is out this week. Maybe pdoc will help.




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