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Re: 'You're Harmful!' emilyp

Posted by violette on July 3, 2010, at 18:18:09

In reply to Re: 'You're Harmful!' Verloren, posted by emilyp on July 3, 2010, at 15:03:35

Emily,

Verloren has stated several times she is trying to better understand her behavior, looking at herself, examining her reactions, and also seeking help to understand and work through possible relational conflicts with her T.

I don't know if this applies to Verloren's situation, but some patients with childhood wounds (like me for example) need to be understood and accepted and develop trust with their T before change is realized or before "critical skills" as noted by you are learned or used consistently.

Is it possible, EmilyP, that you are pointing out the possible 'worst' in anyone to deflect from seeing your own issues?

Not just in this thread-but take a look at your posts from April in response to Widget and Rnny, for example....look a bit further than that-and note how people have stated several times they thought you may have misunderstood them...Do you see a pattern in your behavior as much as you 'see' and so strongly point out of Verloren's?

(I thought I'd look through your posts since I thought you once said you were a therapist, but was mistaken...that was another poster with a similar name.)

While many people would agree it's ok to disagree-there seems to be more going on here. I noticed how you have repeatedly stated in your posts how others need to 'be adults' or mature. I see Verloren as a person with many positive traits, who appears to be be using healthy-minded ways of dealing with her therapeutic issues--she's trying to deal with 'her stuff' by questioning, seeking, asking, and engaging in therapy.

Notice how many of your posts contain phrases such as:

"I don't mean to be rude, but"
"I don't mean to be mean, but..."
"I don't mean to be harsh, but..."
"I don't mean to be insensitive, but..."
"I don't mean to be critical, but..."

On the contrary, after reading some of them, it seems you outline your intentions quite clearly.

I mean to be harsh (notice the word "don't" is missing from this sentenance) because I'm not sure how else to influence you to stop and take a look at your own issues to prevent you from possibly harming others (either here or IRL):

I'm just calling a bully as I see one-bullying in subtle ways can be MORE harmful that outright agression...and this was mean:

"Perhaps we don't see eye to eye because we are at different points in our lives, both in terms of true age (I don't know how old you are) and an emotional maturity age. I am not saying I am always the most mature. But over the last several years, I have focused a lot on learning to have those well-adjusted relationships...especially if one is an actual adult." -EmilyP

I wonder if it is you who actually has wishes to be 'coddled'?

"Finally, I am not trying to be critical or berate you." - EmilyP

Really?

"I would just ask you to think about what you are seeking from therapy." - EmilyP

Do you think that maybe you should ask yourself to think about what you are seeking from therapy?

It's also interesting that you promote CBT to others-yet you state your PDoc is you therapist (does he practice CBT?). Again, that pattern sounds familiar.

Maybe, then, you could talk to your PDoc/T about these concepts:

"Passive Aggression:
The individual deals with emotional conflict or internal or external stressors by indirectly and unassertively expressing aggression toward others. There is a facade of overt compliance masking covert resistance, resentment, or hostility. Passive aggression often occurs in response to demands for independent action or performance or the lack of gratification of dependent wishes but may be adaptive for individuals in subordinate positions who have no other way to express assertiveness more avertly.

Projection:
Attributing one's thoughts or impulses to another person. In common use, this is limited to unacceptable or undesirable impulses. Examples: (1) a man, unable to accept that he has competitive or hostile feelings about an acquaintance, says, He doesnt like me. (2) a woman, denying to herself that she has sexual feelings about a co-worker, accuses him, without basis, of flirt and described him as a wolf.

Denial:
Failing to recognize obvious implications or consequences of a thought, act, or situation. Examples: (1) a person having an extramarital affair gives no thought to the possibility of pregnancy. (2) persons living near a volcano disregard the dangers involved. (3) a disabled person plans to return to former activities without planning a realistic program of rehabilitation.

Devaluation:
The individual deals with emotional conflict or internal or external stressors by attributing exaggerated negative qualities to self or others."

You might find this website useful:

http://www.crosscreekcounseling.com/defense_mech.html

(Yes too many triggers on this site for me-I realize that and yes I am on my way out...but I am not apologizing for trying to prevent harm to others--especially the covert kind-what I think can be the most dangerous kind....)

 

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