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Re: 'You're Harmful!' Verloren

Posted by emilyp on July 3, 2010, at 15:03:35

In reply to Re: 'You're Harmful!' emilyp, posted by Verloren on July 3, 2010, at 6:44:53

I guess we just have two different views of therapy. While it is nice to be coddled from time to time, I don't see that as the primary purpose of therapy - especially if one is an actual adult. In my book, therapy (for adults) is to learn the skills that are needed in the adult word while at the same time, feeling O.K. about yourself and making sure that your needs (assuming they are reasonable) are met - most of the time. Or perhaps the reasons we seek therapy - that is what we struggle with - are so very different, that the therapeutic experience cannot be compared.

I certainly do not think that one should tip toe around and not express yourself. I just believe that learning to express oneself is a critical skill and learning how to do that in therapy can be very helpful on the outside (thus the correlation between therapy and outside of therapy).

I also think you confuse what you can say to Ada versus how you treat her. Yes, you can be honest and express your feelings (i.e. say things that you would not tell your co-workers or friends). But I believe how you say them (i.e. how you treat someone) is important. And in my opinion (but obviously not yours) having her remind you of the boundaries is not a horrible thing such that you have to call her harmful.

Perhaps we don't see eye to eye because we are at different points in our lives, both in terms of true age (I don't know how old you are) and an emotional maturity age. I am not saying I am always the most mature. But over the last several years, I have focused a lot on learning to have those well-adjusted relationships. They are critical in life and without them, most people are very unhappy. And while a therapist can certainly fill that role in some circumstances, relationships with those on the 'outside' simply cannot be replaced.

Finally, I am not trying to be critical or berate you. But you posted something and others who may have a different point of view are encouraged to reply. If everyone agreed with you all of the time, what would be the purpose of the forum. And for that matter, if your therapist agreed with you all the time, what would be the purpose of therapy. I would just ask you to think about what you are seeking from therapy.




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