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Re: 'You're Harmful!' emilyp

Posted by Verloren on July 3, 2010, at 6:44:53

In reply to Re: 'You're Harmful!' Verloren, posted by emilyp on July 3, 2010, at 2:02:22

I feel like maybe I must justify myself to you because this post is negatively resonating with you somehow.

I don't like feeling this way.

I do care about how I treat others therapist or not. I feel like you're reprimanding me for not being able to see how I'm disregarding her feelings.

I obviously care about Ada and her feelings in this relationship or I would not be posting for insight about her and this.

You said "how you treat a therapist is frequently indicative of how you treat others in your life. And for a relationship to work, both people need to be comfortable."

No. How I treat Ada is very different from how I'm interacting with others in my life. With Ada, she has been encouraging me to say my feelings and express myself. Even if that means saying "you're harmful". I feel like you have this notion of me going in there yelling at her and belittling her and holding my money over her head like some powerful arrogant a-hole. And I really am sad if you do think that cause that's not how it is nor how I am.

With other people, I can never say what's on my mind. Like at work for example. I'm content just being a follower. I don't like conflict so I stay on the sidelines a lot.

I dont understand what you mean here "What I find somewhat odd is that you acknowledge all the issues surrounding your relationship with Ada, including the obvious transference issues. Why is it such a horrible thing for her to express herself about this issue, especially considering that you believe her concerns may be valid."

I don't see it as expressing herself. Because she didn't say "I feel like you're trying to push these boundaries and that makes me uncomfortable". She said, "we'll have to remember the boundaries because I am not your parent". That's horrible because That hurts. I know she's not. And like I said, I'm the one that brought up the boundaries discussion in the first place. For her to remind Me about them does make me angry a bit since she didn't bring them up originally. I felt like it was an attack on my good sense. I believe the benefits of reparenting outweigh the boundaries we're not crossing. It's not like I'm asking her to spoon with me, change my diaper, and tuck me in at night. Just as I should see her point, she should see mine too. I don't see anyone telling Ada to put herself in My shoes. :-(

No. I'm still not going to sit in the corner and be the good little girl, in this relationship, to avoid awkwardness and discomfort. I just remembered I was telling Ada about a show "In Treatment" which shows sessions and I said how therapy must be difficult for therapist. She said "yeah it is painful".

I think Ts know there will be discomfort and dealing with the different emotional levels of patients is hard. Ts wouldn't be Ts if they weren't comfortable with the imbalance of the relationship.

Mostly I can act like an adult. When we first started Ada said I have the emotional maturity of a teenager. And I think she gave me too much credit at the time.

There are still childish parts of me that are incapable of "understanding how others may feel". That would be why I'm in therapy. If I were a well-adjusted person with the ability to completely understand, and have mature relationships where we are equal and respectful of each other and filled with self-awareness, then I could see someone being hard on me about this.

But I'm not. I'm just starting out in fact.

And as Ada said and is apparently comfortable with, she will meet the client on their level, not hers. That's her choice. I guess if it starts bothering her to be seen that way then she would stop saying that in her profile and telling it to us.

IMO therapy is nothing like real life. She coddles me where no one else in life will. She treats me like a child, and I don't expect that from my boss, or coworkers. I do expect it from her since that's the atmosphere she has created with me.

I'm sad you think therapy is a place where you have to tiptoe around not expressing yourself for fear that you might make your T uncomfortable. That sounds not good and not therapeutic for the patient. Everywhere I read the patient comes first before the T and all the Ts feelings. Doesn't mean treat them like crap, but definitely doesn't mean hold things back that need to be done or said in order to grow. Many of us were always restricted and suppressed. It feels good to be safe and not have to worry about punishment for wanting something.




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