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Re: 'You're Harmful!' Verloren

Posted by violette on July 2, 2010, at 8:46:31

In reply to 'You're Harmful!', posted by Verloren on July 1, 2010, at 12:56:28


I don't see anything wrong with stating how you felt in the moment ("you're harmful"). Also don't see anything wrong with the reparenting concept.

At the same time, I don't think people should go around being hateful with their T, but I don't see that here. It didn't seem you were purposely trying to upset and anger her...

My T encourages me to say exactly how I feel even if I'm afraid it will hurt his feelings. While most of our interactions are postive, I do get negative transference feelings at times. I tend to say "I know it's not really you I'm mad at-it's transference feelings, but after we met last week, I got mad at you when I was thinking how you said xxx, and after being mad at you and processing those angry feelings, I realized it reminded me of my mother doing xxx when I was a child"...

But-even if I did not state it that way, I can imagine that if I said to T "your harmful" it wouldn't hurt his feelings because he would look at it objectively--an expression of what's going on inside me rather than something about him. If you didn't recognize the transference at the moment, blurting something out like that can make for good therapy discussion and lead to insights about yourself (and sometimes the T will say as he says he is always learning and open to looking at himself).

My T says any and all feelings are welcome and open for discussion. I don't agree with your T taking it personally; it seemed to be a reflection of your feelings rather than her, and I don't appreciate that you are feeling guilty about saying how you felt.

I have a childhood attachment wound and in many ways, my T is "reparenting" me--providing the acceptance and nurturing I never received as a child to promote the healthy emotional growth I had not expereinced from my parents lack of parenting. I think it's positive and healthy way to view therapy. I suppose not all Ts would agree, but my T is relational and attachment focused and psychodynamic, which works great for me. In fact, someone asked me the other day why I wasn't feeling well when i had previously spent years in therapy. My response that I was in the wrong type of therapy during those years. So they asked what the difference was now - in trying to find a way to explain it to someone who knew little about psychology-I said basically, the therapy I'm in now is more similar to being reparented.

I don't see how feeling guilty is helpful to your progress and hope you will not be so hard on yourself about having those thoughts and stating this :)




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