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Re: blow out session with my T yesterday deerock

Posted by violette on July 1, 2010, at 11:35:01

In reply to Re: blow out session with my T yesterday violette, posted by deerock on July 1, 2010, at 11:14:11

Deerock,

The last post was sent before I read your last response..

"im not sure how much is her trying to change the behavior by being defensive. this is complicated because she tries to be neutral. often. and when i get a reaction out of her, it seems very contained. when i feel something it shows. not so much with her. so when she gets defensive, it gets me riled up because i think she is trying to hide it. i feel like i am affecting her. a lot. i can see her getting uncomfortable when i say stuff to her that is provocative. but i continue to do it because somehow it feels like a game. almost like she is trying to hide that im affecting her and later she will say you impact me i hope you know that."

Yeah, this is really complicated. My guess is that just being neutral isn't enough. I'm not sure about the game playing, i guess that's known as manipulation in psychodynamic therapy. It could be testing her...it could be impusles..When I do subtle things with my T for manipulation, I always tell him right away. Maybe that makes me more boring as a patient (?). But instead of acting on the manipulation, I'll tell him what I wanted to do to manipulate him. For example, I wanted to send him a text message about an appt. as an excuse to contact him and say I missed him. Although the message related to an appointment, could have called his office manager, but had strong urges to text him instead. Just an example. So, maybe try to talk about your desires to provoke her with 'games'? My T and I laugh about it, but our relationship is much different and he doesn't seem as orthodox with psychoanalysis as your T; plus, I have mostly a PTSD construct, which calls for different therapy frame--although I've only been with him for a year so I can't directly compare my stuff with yours. Just a thought-tell her of the urges of wanting to play games rather than doing it. It's easier said than done!

"but i continue to do it because somehow it feels like a game. almost like she is trying to hide that im affecting her and later she will say you impact me i hope you know that."

I think she has to hold out until you feel/experience it, rather than pointing it out right away. Maybe in getting you to see her feelings, she waits-but if you don't get the insight, she has to say "this is how you impacted me"..etc.

"i wish in the moment, she would say that thing you said right there, that's devaluing etc. etc"

Again, I am not sure if you will get the full insight if she just pointed it out-she is trying to get you to see it BEFORE she points it out. If you do see it-I think she's trying to get you to change. She can't ask you to change-that comes from you. As opposed to CBT, the insights, those 'aha' moments, are the precursor to change.

Hey, thanks too for the sweet comments. :)

I know you mean well. My T and I talk about how important intentions are. He doesn't associate psychosis or schitzophrenia, for example, with being 'crazy'; instead, he said what is crazy is when people are totally unaware....like my mother, for example...oblivious to how their emotional issues harm others. Or blame everything on others, never acknowledging that they themselves can possibly impact their situation or affect others.

Take care :)

 

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