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Re: last session! (freaking out)- sorry may trigger! brokenpuppet

Posted by Verloren on June 28, 2010, at 15:27:15

In reply to last session! (freaking out)- sorry may trigger!, posted by brokenpuppet on June 27, 2010, at 3:01:23

Hi bp,

I was thinking of you a few weeks ago and couldn't remember when your move was.

It is hard isn't it.

I'm going to try to empathize without totally making this about me. But I felt your pain so much when you spoke of your "little me". I too have a little me, she's 6. She's been 6 for several years and doesn't quite know how to grow up. She gets upset at the decisions I make too. 6 year olds are hard to make understand our grownup decisions aren't they. Especially when they can see we are struggling with those decisions every bit that they are. *sigh*

Nothing you have said is depressing or repulsive. You are speaking of your feelings in a challenging time. Speaking openly and honestly is helpful and freeing imo. No apologies needed. We all have our dark places.

You are totally going to get better. This I definitely believe. And the little one will be scared, for a time, but she will trust you and you will take care of her and yourself.

Think long-term from now, when you're sharing your stories of this adventure with your T. Can you visualize yourself grinning while you tell her how you didn't think you could make it? Oh and how proud she would be of you.

I try visualizing my outcomes like this. It helps me to think of how I want to feel when it's done rather than the uncertainty I feel over doing it.

One other activity you and your T might do, is see if she would write you a few letters and/or flashcards.

The letters could be dated for you to open on certain days while you're away as a way to stay connected.

The flashcards could have little sayings from her to you that you could use daily or as needed to help your spirits.

And you are coming back to your T when you're done right? You're leaving on a very good note, for a good reason and will return yes? Then you have that to look forward to.

Perhaps I'm being annoyingly positive ( I do that when it's not my own life). But I'm excitedly thinking of the pictures and stories you will share with her.

I do remember not taking my termination well with my evil ex-T. I made it my car then cried and sobbed for 40 minutes. But she was evil, and it was a permanent termination on bad terms. And there were so so many unresolved feelings. The internet has been wonderful. I've found so many supportive friends and groups online. It helps, in little bits at a time, it totally helps.

I'm speculating, that if I left Ada, my current T, now I would need some Thing to stay connected with her. A picture, the letters, a note, a card... I'm a very tangible person. Maybe your T has a book you could borrow? So that you're sure to return to give it back to her?

I hope you will stay connected to babble. I am eager to hear how things go for you ok?

-Verloren

ps: sorry this response was sooo long winded. It's a nasty habit. I just really wanted to connect with you and tell you that you're not alone, not forgotten, and if you can't find yourself again, send me a babblemail and I will try to find you. (((((brokenpuppet)))))

 

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