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Re: terminated with T and unravelling deerock

Posted by violette on June 14, 2010, at 19:32:41

In reply to terminated with T and unravelling, posted by deerock on June 14, 2010, at 14:25:22

You said you were with T for about 3 years? It sounds as if you had made so much progress getting in touch with your emotions, your motivations-your inner psyche.

It can be very scary when we unravel our defenses and distortions about how we view ourselves and others, things which our parents taught us both directly and indirectly-and start to reveal our vulnerable inner child, our true selves to someone understanding and caring, who will not react as our parents did-our T.

Some of us are taught by our parents that it is wrong to have needs-pushed away, some of us are treated as if we are an extension of our parents, teaching us that we are to be invisible, so we retract into a shell-our only purpose to feed our parents/meet others emotional needs. Still, other caregivers are antagonising or sadistic-inviting anger or extreme emotional reactions and that is the only way we experienced closeness with them... There are so many reasons, but fear always seems to come to mind when I think of such scenerios. When we spend our development years behaving and adapting in ways required for our survival as children, it is scary to experience relationships in ways we are not accustomed to.

Sort of like if you were dropped off in the middle of say, Mongolia, alone, and expected to feel at ease. Wouldn't you get anxious and want to run back to states, where everything felt familiar?

Since you are asking for opinions, I think its a fear of intimacy and you have some unfinished business to work out with your T. You developed trust and started to really open up. Letting yourself become vulnerable to someone can provoke feelings of wanting to 'flee'...But at the same time, you want to get closer-that is only natural, its built within us.

It is, however, sometimes a paradox-afraid to depend on someone and at the same time, having the need. The same scenerio many of us experienced while growing up. The pot is numbing your emotions; you are using it to self soothe.

I'm glad to hear you are meeting with your T and I am confident you will figure it all out. You seem confused, no doubt, but I think that deep down inside, you are very motivated and tenacious, becoming quite psychologically minded.





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