Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Re: i feel like the worst patient ever!

Posted by Daisym on June 5, 2010, at 21:40:48

In reply to i feel like the worst patient ever!, posted by mmealltalk on June 5, 2010, at 11:53:49

It sounds like a hard situation for everyone involved. This is another one of those situations in which we are forced to confront the fact that our therapists are human and they simply can't be perfect and consistent all the time.

There are several schools of thought about how you handle it. Since it is your therapy and you are paying for the time, you can talk about whatever you want or need to, without regard for her feelings. But - therapy is also a relational process, in which we develop our capacity for empathy, compassion and self-care. We, hopefully, learn about ourselves as we reflect on life events and our internal world. And we practice what we are learning with our therapists. You have the opportunity to "hold" some of your stuff, not the stuff like the b/d party, but rather your need for her to revert to how things were. It isn't easy, but growing your acceptance of who she is now and allowing your compassion to soothe the part of you that is worried that she now doesn't like you, will really help. Tell yourself it isn't about you at all - this is her grief and her process to go through. I imagine it can't be easy for her to hear from you over and over again that she is different. She already knows that.

You have suffered a loss. I think part of that loss might be the fantasy we all have that our therapists are always available to protect us from our own fears and loneliness. Intellectually we know this not to be true. But in the psychological relationship that gets built, they feel that powerful and are that important. When you come face-to-face with the limits of this relationship, it is God-awful painful.

You have already identified that you need to expand your support system. This is a good idea, no matter what the circumstances, but it is especially important right now. Because if you have more supports, it isn't as scary for her to be less available right now. Ironically, easing up on this need internally for yourself, will probably help you feel her presence more. I'm not saying you don't need her, or shouldn't. I'm saying that accepting the circumstances will probably help you focus on the support she can and is giving you, instead of what has gone missing.

I hope life gets kinder soon, for both of you.




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