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Re: Intelligence and bonding in childhood abuse cases

Posted by rnny on April 24, 2010, at 0:01:38

In reply to Intelligence and bonding in childhood abuse cases, posted by BabyToes on April 21, 2010, at 14:23:34

I am of above average intelligence but I do not think in my case it helped me one iota with the childhood trauma. The traumatic events started in infancy really and continued through my teens. I was like a fragile little flower or little tiny stuffed animal that was in a constant state of being crushed. I couldn't really come up for air because there was something always about to happen. Domestic violence in the home, moving around from house to house, state to state, alcoholism, sexual abuse, criminal behavior in the home and so on. The list is endless. It was a non-stop torture chamber to be sure. So I have PTSD and can see why! My intelligence I do not believe helped me as a child. If it has come into play at all, I would say more as an adult. But even as an adult I have made some very stupid mistakes and used poor judgement. I am in the legal profession but have actually broken the law many times when it could have been avoided. So that is one example right there. I have a clean "record" but I have come pretty darn close to really getting in legal trouble a couple of times. So as far as I am concerned, I am as guilty as the person who did get convicted because I have done some of the same things! I was actually a gifted child in terms of grades but like I said, it didn't help me. I was very passive and did nothing to fight back. My way of dealing with being in a living nightmare was to be as agreeable as possible. I made friends with my enemies who happened to be my parents rather than turn against them. If I was to be taken hostage, I would be the person who would be 'really nice' to my captors. That is what I used to survive my childhood. Being ultra sweet and not a difficult child. But personally, I don't think it helped me, not really. It was the path of least resistance. It was what worked best for me. I was sweet, very compliant, not rebellious and did everything I was told. But by no means did it win me any affection from my parents. It protected me from what could have been worse abuse! I made them feel they were great and I thought the world of them as they tortured me. I knew in my heart that the human spirit has some capacity for empathy and I tried very hard to tap into their empathetic sides. But it didn't work. It didn't stop the abuse. I think it just helped make it not as bad.




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