Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Re: Today he was more himself

Posted by Dinah on April 21, 2010, at 19:46:03

In reply to Re: Today he was more himself, posted by Dinah on April 21, 2010, at 19:27:28

And yes, I know. It just didn't work with *that* therapist. It may well work with this one.

That's why I agreed to do it again. I'm hoping two will put the matter to rest. Otherwise I could be stuck in an endless cycle of going to EMDR therapist after EMDR therapist on the assumption that the therapy *has* to work. I just haven't found the right therapist yet, or I wasn't ready to open myself to it yet.

I don't think there does need to be an emotional charge from the original memories for the phobia to be alive and well. Anxiety feeds on itself, and erects an entire scaffolding that has only tangential relationship to the original. Anticipatory anxiety ends up being more powerful than actual anxiety. I am aware that at some level at one time I associated vomit and abandonment. Maybe I still do. But I think a lifetime of avoiding it and obsessing about it all the time probably has a lot more to do with what is happening now than the original trauma does. The fear of the fear becomes more powerful than the fear. Just like the contamination fears that come with it can't be cleaned by all the bleach in the world, because the contamination is just *awareness*.

Moreover my fear ends up being a place to focus every fear I have about everything. It always did. Life as I knew it was falling apart. It was way too big to think about. But I could focus all my energy on that one fear. I could invest that one fear, that one obsession, with all the power of all my feelings.

It's all just... It's just not so direct as all that. I can't just resolve a memory and be free from my fear. And that's assuming that this time I'll miraculously find something more powerful in EMDR than a mildly interesting distraction.

Isch. I'm sorry. I just am upset that I feel like if I'm to be a good girl, a good therapy client, I need to do this.




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