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Re: Intelligence and bonding in childhood abuse cases BabyToes

Posted by fleeting flutterby on April 21, 2010, at 16:56:09

In reply to Intelligence and bonding in childhood abuse cases, posted by BabyToes on April 21, 2010, at 14:23:34

I think your post makes a lot of sense. The child that can "out wit" the abuse is more likely to come out of it less damaged. With that said-- I also think it has A LOT to do with the child having a "bond" with a SAFE adult. Like you talked about your grandmother and a few teachers. I think that can give the child hope and a connection to the "healthy" way relationships can be.
I wonder if your poor dear brother didn't have that kind of adult-bond??

I grew up with abuse/neglect and experienced life threatening trauma...have been diagnosed with complex PTSD and many other things. I have chosen a partner much like the relationships I grew up with (abusive/neglectful) and my children have been struggling as I lack in exhibiting mental health and healthy relationships. I haven't a single friend (IRL).
-- But-- I could easily get straight A's in school if I cared to-- and was in the top ten of my class every year.
I think for me and many that don't function to the level you do-- it's not so much the intelligence(I've been asked by every therapist I've seen why I'm not an addict, or homeless, due to the childhood I had-- I knew inside myself that such behavior would just make my life even worse than it already was)
but----

the key difference, I'd venture to guess is, I hadn't a single adult in my childhood that took me under their wing.(grandparents deceased, abusive aunts) I was subject to some adults that added to the abuse/neglect even. I learned that humans aren't safe and pain will result.

I think you are very fortunate to have had the intelligence AND the bonding that was so important to make it out less damaged than so many others. I can imagine-- even still, it wasn't easy for you. My heart is with you.

take care

flutterby

 

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poster:fleeting flutterby thread:944377
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100405/msgs/944407.html