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Intelligence and bonding in childhood abuse cases

Posted by BabyToes on April 21, 2010, at 14:23:34

This is something all of my T's have pointed out about me and something I have noticed with others who have experienced some of the same things as me in their childhoods, as to the role of intelligence and it's affect on resiliency.

For me I do have PTSD from childhood abuse but yet I never internalized the negative things my mom would say about me because I felt she didn't know what she was talking about. I saw other mom's and knew there was something wrong with her. I tried to stay out of her way as a child by hiding in the woods during summer break until my dad would come home, I buried my medals in the woods so she wouldn't see them, I changed my grades on my report card so they looked lower and I did many things like this in order not to trigger her to abuse me for various of reasons.

My T's said I used my intelligence to avoid more abuse in a situation I had very little control over. My brother was partially brain damaged (due to abuse) and wasn't as resourceful, in fact he fought back. He died a couple of years ago when he was 36 due to the abuse he suffered as a child.

I am told many children who have been through the levels of abuse and torture I have experienced, do not fair well in most cases. They go down the road my brother did when they got older. But the one thing that was different was the level of intelligence a child had as to how resilient or how they live mainly functional lives as an adult. (high IQ's and life survival skills) Not to say they don't have problems, they do, but not as extreme it seems in the people I know. They are more likely to get professional help too when needed and it seems like they go on to have non abusive families and stop the cycle of abuse. These are things I have noticed and my various T's too with the people I have met.

One thing that also seems to help children in situations like this, is to have an adult who generously cares about them and helps them when they are little. I had my grandma (from my dad's side) and various of teachers who made a huge impact on me as a child, people I bonded to who were safe. I don't think my teachers know just how much I treasure what they have given me, even if they just noticed me or sent me to the cafeteria because I had no breakfast. ( a lot of times)
Now abuse is bad no matter what but I was wondering why I don't seem to be A-typical comparable to the norm of child abuse victims. I do have big issues to work out in therapy, mainly desensitization of the trauma. I have been married for over 17 years, have 2 teenagers who are doing very well and who have never been abused, I am back in college, deans list and getting published for recent talents I had no idea that existed in art and creative writing. I have friends who I care about who offer me support when I need it. I am in a way transcending myself from the horrible things that have happened to me. This just isn't typical and I realize this, my T thinks about this on why am I different. I don't know if I will ever know. But I do know I want to take the experiences I have had to help others- so many need help.




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