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Re: being blocked again

Posted by wittgensteinz on April 8, 2010, at 5:41:59

In reply to Re: being blocked again, posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2010, at 23:04:57

I haven't posted in a long while but I still visit Babble.

I don't think it is so much about intentions as to whether what a person writes is civil or not. I don't think a request to rephrase an uncivil post is a statement about a person's intentions. It is possible to write something 'uncivil' while having the best of intentions.

What is important is the way in which words can be read/interpreted by others - the effect those words have on a community.

In your experience, Baby Toes, you've found it best not to stay in therapy long-term if that therapy is simply serving the purpose of a social 'crutch' and that it is better to change therapists rather than stay with one therapy and get too comfortable. This has been your own experience of what is best. I think the problem is that we are all different and that it is likely that there is no one clear-cut way of doing therapy. Some people benefit from the long term support of a therapeutic relationship, while for others maybe it is less necessary. I continue in therapy because it continues to help me in my daily life, in the outside world. It doesn't keep me from living my life or serve as a surrogate relationship. If I'd switched therapists I would never have been able to build any amount of trust; in my case, that takes a lot of time.

As for friendships in the real world. I already was following this thread and something struck me about it which seemed unnatural. You see, in my experience I don't 'choose' friends. Friendships seem to emerge over time - they just 'happen'. We are all people of course with good and bad things - including those with addictions, criminal records, psychotic breaks and so on.

It's not the case that it's 'us' and 'them'. It can be that relationships are unhealthy or abusive but in that case it would be better to analyze why the relationship is abusive and why there is a pattern of entering such relationships, rather than concluding that it is best to avoid certain groups of the population. An adult relationship is a dynamic between two people; it takes two.

You said that for you real friendship is a relationship where you give support and receive support when needed.

You could rephrase what you wrote to something like:

I wouldn't want to be in a marriage where the support was unequal or one-way; where my partner would require more support than he could give to me. There are dynamics between different people that can be unhealthy and it is good to be aware of that, for example in cases where women repeatedly enter violent relationships.

If you write it like this, you are not singling out anyone as being 'a bad person to enter a relationship with'. This way, no-one should feel like they are unsuitable as a friend/partner because of a label they have.





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