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Re: Dilemma in Therapy widget

Posted by Dinah on April 7, 2010, at 21:32:48

In reply to Re: Dilemma in Therapy, posted by widget on April 7, 2010, at 11:26:12

I think maybe he didn't express what he was trying to say well. If my therapist had said that (which he would have if I didn't say it for him, I'm sure), he'd have meant it as a comment about himself. Not as an invalidation of my feelings. He'd be saying that his clients see the best side of him. That at home, he's not endlessly patient. He is unreasonable, profligate, and leaves his stuff lying everywhere. (I'm just guessing here.)

People fall in love all the time with people they don't know at all. And most of us care about people that we only know in one context. If we didn't, we couldn't love hardly anyone, since the number of people we live with is necessarily small.

Certainly we don't have the sort of relationship with our therapists that would tell any of us if we'd like them as a long term companion. Or as I tell my husband, you never really know anyone until you've gone on a (preferably difficult) vacation together. (He married me anyway!)

I've always been very clear with my therapist. I do love him in a filial sort of way. Very much. I do want the best for him. But I don't want the best for him if it's at my expense. I don't want the best for him if it means he abandons me.

I think children do love their parents, even if they also are dependent on them. It's just a different sort of love...

Still, I think it's perfectly reasonable to be angry with him. Even if he didn't mean to invalidate you, he did say something that was bound to hurt. Or at least I'd feel hurt. I always do when I run smack dab into the boundaries and limitations of our relationship. In fact, I did earlier this week, and it hurt like the dickens.

 

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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Dinah thread:941668
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100405/msgs/942692.html