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Re: Dilemma in Therapy widget

Posted by Daisym on April 7, 2010, at 13:35:16

In reply to Re: Dilemma in Therapy, posted by widget on April 7, 2010, at 11:26:12

You feel what you feel - the labels don't really matter. What one person calls "love" another might call "caring" and another might call "need" and another might call "lust." Each of us has a concept of what love is and what it feels like to us.

I think therapy love is real and very powerful. And yet fragile too. Your therapist says he cares about you but he only knows you for the same hour a week that you know him - you talk more but you choose what to tell and how to tell it - so how does he REALLY know you? The consistent interaction of another tells us a lot about them. And I think therapists often underestimate the observation powers of clients - we see, hear and feel lots of under currents. You love your therapist as your therapist. You might not love him as just a "man" - but that is irrelevent. It isn't the relationship you have and it isn't what you are working towards.

He made you doubt yourself and your feelings. I think in therapy, we are working on trusting ourself, identifying our feelings and coping with them. When I feel rage at my dad - I'm allowed to feel it completely in therapy. I wouldn't take the murdurous components of it out into the real world. And yet, no one would ever tell me, "you aren't really that mad."

So - best advice I have is to go in, tell him you are mad, tell him why and then be quiet. Let him own it. If he is anything like my therapist, he'll likely apologize, and really try to understand your feelings. I think sometimes it is hard for our therapists to see us suffering and so they say things that feel invalidating or minimizing because they are trying to make us feel better.

I actually asked my therapist if he ever developed strong feelings for his own therapist (when he was in training) - and he said yes. He said his issues were different from mine but he still wanted/needed his therapist's caring and attention. He often says to me, "who doesn't want to be cared about?"

I'm sorry this is so hard. Good luck.




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