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Re: please rephrase that

Posted by BabyToes on April 7, 2010, at 12:46:06

In reply to Re: please rephrase that BabyToes, posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2010, at 11:32:11

> > I really don't know how to rephrase that to your standards.
>
> You already did! This was about others and I thought it could lead them to feel accused or put down:
>
> > It bothers me to see those in long term therapy who really don't have serious issues to warrant long time therapy, because it seems to me they are using the therapy relationship as a substitute relationship because they are unable to have a real relationship in the real world.
>
> because it suggests they shouldn't be in long-term therapy and aren't able to have real relationships. But this I thought was fine:
>
> > I am actually talking about myself here since I have been in therapy a long time but with different therapists. I just don't believe in being with one therapist for years because I think the goal of therapy should be to be able to handle life with the support of family and friends more than with just a therapist. A therapist should be encouraging better real world relationships with the client.
>
> because it's about yourself and what kind of therapy you want. Do you see the difference?
>
> Here's another example:
>
> > I wouldn't want to marry anyone that unstable any more than I would want a close friend. There are some individuals that shouldn't mix with other individuals.
>
> That could lead others (people who are unstable) to feel put down (no one will want to marry them or be their friend and they shouldn't even mix with others). Could you please rephrase that?
>
> > In real life you can't control how someone talks to you but you can control how to react to it. To me that would be more educational and would help build real people skills for real life.
>
> You can also control how you talk to others, and being civil is a skill that can be applied in "real" life, too.
>
> Bob

I don't feel I have been uncivil at all at any point in anything I have written on this thread. Those are your perceptions of uncivil behavior.

But taking my comments out of context to point out fault in them and saying they are leading to those to feel put down, well to me that is being not only uncivil but it is putting idea's that were not expressed by me into others heads. I explained what I meant about people mixing with those who are not good for them. Did you even read the whole post? I never said what you implied that I did, those were your own interpretations. Why are you assuming the worst of my words?

I could say I love pepperoni pizza. But this could be offensive to a vegetarian or to someone suffering from paranoid schizophrenia because they believe that the little pepperoni circles are actually lenses of cameras spying on them. My point is that there is nothing that someone can say that wouldn't offend others or make them feel bad. Your rules are not going to prevent that and your rules are YOUR views. True, your site- you can do what you want. But why be so hard on those people who come here to help others?

Even you pointing out fault of my words is rather ironic because you say not to write things that would make people feel put down. How do you think your warnings feel? Can't you see that your very own process of going through my words with a fine tooth comb and criticizing the way I say things is actually doing what you don't want us to do?
Plus these are your standards of civility, the way you view things. Many would not have any problems with what I wrote. Your views of what constituents incivility are not the social norms of society's viewpoints.

Maybe acceptance that people mostly have good intentions when they write things here and are not evil people trying to write things to put people down, would be a better way to view posters intents instead.


 

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poster:BabyToes thread:941860
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100405/msgs/942637.html