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Cycling down and I need my T

Posted by TherapyGirl on April 7, 2010, at 2:40:59

Not just any T, but my T who knows me, foibles and all, and can almost always get me to a better place when it feels like the world is beating me up.

The last two weeks at work have been incredibly stressful, without much support. We had a major 2-day meeting event, during which my co-workers completely abandoned me to "socialize." Which is great except our staff is not large enough to allow for that. So yesterday we had a "debrief" about the meeting, which was a basic beat up on me session. And I'm just not up for it. I gave specific examples of help I had asked for and either didn't receive or received very grudgingly, as well as all the things I alone was responsible for (logistics, catering (including food cleanup), registration, hotel check-in, ALL of the A/V and presenting a session myself) and yet somehow I was slammed for being stressed out.

I just don't get how a response to having a co-worker stressed out is to beat up on them. And, of course, being me, now I can't sleep because I keep replaying all of the things one co-worker yelled at me during the meeting. This is the same co-worker/friend who abandoned me during my crisis last year and said, "Mental illness is no excuse for bad behavior."

I'm really just done. Not with life (yet), but with putting my heart and soul in my work and not getting any positive feedback at all for it. This meeting turned out to be the best one we've ever done, per the evaluations and the budget, and largely due to my efforts. But it's not worth the toll it took on me emotionally or physically.

When I talked about the physical toll alone, my co-worker and former friend rolled her eyes and made a sound that clearly expressed her derision.

I feel completely undervalued and underappreciated and I want my T. Now. But instead I'm left with just me, not sleeping on a night when I took extra blood pressure meds and Xanax, hoping to get my physical response under control.

Needless to say I called in sick for tomorrow. And I'm looking for a new job.

But I want my T back.




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poster:TherapyGirl thread:942586