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Re: please rephrase that

Posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 9:37:13

In reply to Re: please rephrase that, posted by rnny on April 6, 2010, at 4:55:28

Hi Rnny,

I think you are making some very smart choices here. My experience online and in my real life is that I tend to be someone who is very open( I will talk to almost anyone) and it tends to attract people who are very needy. I tend to want to get too involved to help them, so I pure out tons of support. Which I am fine with to a point, as helping people feels good.

But in a real close friendship, you will sometimes need that support yourself and if that other person is only concerned with their needs, it leads to disappointment because you realize the relationship is only one sided. Friendship is a give and take thing and if you are the only one giving, it isn't really a friendship.

I have tons of people I talk to during class, between class, even socially at parties. But true friends where you can open up and be close to, well that is different. I have only a few select people that I am true friends with. They have offered me support when I needed it and I have given support when they needed it.

Now everyone has problems, but certain mental problems would prevent a real healthy friendships from developing. The healthier I get, the less I want to deal with destructive selfish behaviors from others in a beginning friendship. I don't exclude being social with people, but friendships are reserved to those who are capable of the give and take of one.

When you experience true friendship, you also realize how one sided T relationships are. I love my T, but I don't want to be her friend.

If a T relationship is the only one where one can feel they can show themselves or the only close relationship one feels they have, then they have so much more work to do. A T relationship is more about taking than giving. While it feels good to have someone there for you, it feels even better when it is a true friend where one has developed where you also give. A T is suppose to model a good healthy relationship for clients so they to learn how to be a friend. Hopefully the client learns this and applies this to their real life so they can have the most meaningful relationships.

It bothers me to see those in long term therapy who really don't have serious issues to warrant long time therapy, because it seems to me they are using the therapy relationship as a substitute relationship because they are unable to have a real relationship in the real world. I know of a few people who don't have any friends but have been in therapy for years. Therapy relationships feel good, so I don't fault the client, but I see problems with a T who can't send their clients on their way to have real relationship in the real world. Therapy relationships are not a good substitute for a real close friendship.




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