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Re: Dilemma in Therapy

Posted by Daisym on April 3, 2010, at 2:16:00

In reply to Re: Dilemma in Therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on April 2, 2010, at 20:42:09

I've been following this thread somewhat sadly. So many shoulds, should nots...

I think you already know that what needs to happen is an exploration of why it is so important for you to know his feelings and why right now? Why at this point in your therapy?

It makes perfect sense to me that it is important to know if he could care about you given that he knows ALL about you. Being held in someone's mind, having this secure attachment, is a really big part of forming a stable, solid self-core. He knows that your loving feelings are very real - the rules about what you do with these feelings are different. But being allowed to love someone intensely, with all the good and bad parts of you and without shame, is another way in which you will build strength into your core self. Kids figure out that they are cared for by another, even when they aren't with that person, usually by how they were treated. As adults, we don't always assume this to be true - so we ask questions. We don't trust our own perceptions. I believe that all questions should be allowed in therapy - but they may not all be answered.

And I will respectfully disagree with whomever said this isn't the issue you came into therapy for. Presenting issues rarely are the core work that needs to be done -- sometimes, but usually it takes a great deal of work and trust to dig down to this type of deep work. My therapist tells me often that "this" - my mistrust of our relationship, my fear of my needs, especially for him, my inability to believe that I matter - "this" is the major part of me that is in therapy.

It is a really painful place - and probably loaded with lots of old stuff. Good luck Monday.




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