Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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talking to my super-ego

Posted by floatingbridge on March 24, 2010, at 11:00:57

O.K. So I'm freaking out in therapy over my use of medications--that I need them to function, that the majority are controlled--it just feels wrong, that I'm an addict and that when I take them, I can actually feel good sometimes. As I'm talking, and beginning to cry, my doc says o.k. two chairs. (I dislike two chairs.) Off-guard, I start two chairs. One chair, crying and ranting; the other chair, crying and subdued. I have NO idea what I am doing. Afterwards, I tell him just that, who was I talking to. He said, I think your super ego and the punished child. Hmmm. I've been trying to get a handle on his mention, here and there, of this over-inflated, punitive 'super-ego'. I've always been aware of the negative voice in my head, constantly criticizing. Ah. So this starts to make sense. This 'super-ego' apparently is troubled that I might just be able to feel good. (We're not talking wildly happy--just kinda quietly pleased and o.k. with being alive.)

So now I'm thinking--o.k.: childhood neglect, abuse; in the absence of any reliable guidance from without, that guidance that every child needs; without being able to make a positive attachment to anyone, I generate my own, which sadly, has become maniacal, overbearing, critical.

What do I say? Pleased to meet you?

BTW: regarding attachment and a previous post as to why I might protect my father--I think I might have been both 'securely' and 'fearfully' attached to my father. Thus, my continued love for him despite the damage AND my ability to form relatively healthy relationships with (very, very) few.

My son, I finally get, might actually be securely attached to me and his father. I can't tell you how I torment myself thinking that I've been f*ckin him up....




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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:floatingbridge thread:940664