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Bad timing for T vacation...

Posted by workinprogress on March 18, 2010, at 1:15:28

So, my T is on vacation this week. Usually that's hard, but not ridiculously so. I was really worried it would be really hard this time now that I'm so used to seeing her 3x a week. She's just a very regular part of my week/life.

I thought about it, made a plan... things were going well. No freak outs. There still aren't any freakouts, but I really need to talk to her. One of the things I wrote down in my "plan" was to remember that mostly my need for her is general (the relationship) not specific.

But now I need her specifically. I think I can wait, but really wish I didn't have to. In fact, I feel like I'm kinda holding stuff in until she gets back. Here's what happened. Monday night I couldn't sleep... I was laying in bed on my back... sorta staring at the ceiling. Then I heard the back outside door (I live on the second floor in an apt building that is currently under construction and scaffolding is up) in a way that seemed unusual, enough to make me listen more. Then I thought I heard climbing (my upstairs neighbor is a drunk and sometimes looses his keys and has climbed over the rail before) and then all of the sudden I see a shadow of a head and torso through the curtains of my window. I flip my sh*t, jump up, and start pounding on the windows... screaming like a banshee "go away" and who knows what else. Then all of the sudden, the window is broken (I broke through it) and now there is no barrier so I'm even more terrified, then I see the person- a sweet faced 20 something who is clearly not going to hurt me. I'm still screaming though and am like "what are you doing, go away". He was drunk and decided to climb the scaffolding. He didn't think, he felt bad, offered me money for the window... he kept apologizing and by then I was sobbing hysterically. I had to beg him to leave because he kept trying to give me the money.

He finally left, I called several friends hysterical.. none picked up (it was just before 2am). I put garbage bags on the window and went to a hotel. This all came a week and a half after the said drunk neighbor tried to use his keys to get into my apt... waking me up from a dead sleep and causing me to call 911 right after I pounded on the door and said "what are you doing, go away" and he said sorry and did.

Both events were nothing in the end, but they both scared the bejesus out of me. The first was scary, the second was terrorizing. I think because of seeing the person and breaking the window (luckily the curtain was between me and the glass so I only have a few little cuts on my knuckles).

Anyway, I keep having flashbacks (feeling memories) to that terror and it brings me to tears. I don't know what I think my T will do for me, but now I need her specifically, not generally.

Sigh... just thought I'd share, figured if anyone would understand that I need her most it would be you all.

Any good coping strategies until Monday?





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