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Re: Why do I need my therapist? Daisym

Posted by Annierose on March 5, 2010, at 17:20:53

In reply to Why do I need my therapist?, posted by Daisym on March 4, 2010, at 22:22:41

[darn - my post disappeared when I accidently hit another web site --- I'll do my best to re-create]

I think (most) everyone who reads this board can relate in some way to this statement: the therapy relationship is the most complicated relationship we will ever experience (well, besides the one we have with our mothers ....). We want them to tell us that whatever we are experiencing, whatever we are feeling, wherever we are in life that we will be OK. Well, maybe that's more about me and what I want ... but I think that some of the unsettling feelings (anxiety) come from not being okay with the following:

how long we have been in therapy
how many times a week we see our therapists
how important they are in our lives

It reves up our anxiety. I just read a blog somewhere (the web site I clicked when I lost my original post) and some woman (do not remember her credentials) wrote a book about therapists and their relationship with their clients --- a new book that was just released. Well this excited me until I read her little blurb that basically said, "you are not okay if your therapy is very important in your life." Well that shocked me and sent me reeling and questioning everything AGAIN.

And after freaking out I realized that this author did not represent me. Every person has their own story and their own path to adulthood. What got me to my current dysfunctional self isn't true for anyone else but me. I needed a therapist that would take me by the hand (figuratively) and represent the steady, loving adult I could look up to for reassurance, guidance, crisis management, parenting help, marraige counseling, etc. etc.

Most people luckily have an adult model in their head, a frame of referance of proper life skills. I have no such road map. Therefore I "need" my therapist to be that steady adult in my life. I "need" her to hold onto my emotions until I can unravel them in her office. I "need" her to help me find the words so that I can talk with my children, my husband, my co-workers (not all the time - I'm not completely brain dead - I'm talking about the hard conversations), I "need" to know that I'm likeable - that she laughs at my jokes, laughs at my stories, I "need" her to validate that what I experienced isn't okay - that it was neglect. I "need" my therapist in order to function more successfully in life DESPITE all outward appearances that fool everyone.

Your therapist is right. Feeling numb isn't feeling at all. Feeling real feelings is scary as hell - - - especially anger and love. Keep going, keep talking and know that he does care. As do I. To quote Dinah, this relationship is worth fighting for ... (and my own addition) even though we hate that we love them, and hate that they are important to us.




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