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Re: Why do I need my therapist? Daisym

Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2010, at 8:53:38

In reply to Why do I need my therapist?, posted by Daisym on March 4, 2010, at 22:22:41

> "And the more aware I am of this deep need and the value of the connection, the more terrified I am that it will disappear. He tells me that is what all "humans" fear - losing someone they love. He sees it as a good thing."

Is it possible that this may be similar to my own fear. Because really needing a therapist is the only way to keep a relationship with a therapist. Once you no longer need them, you're supposed to graduate. Loss is supposed to be built into a therapy relationship. "I'll be here as long as you need me" they say.

It's similar in some ways to parental relationships, the difference being that when you start flying away from the nest, you're supposed to just keep flying. You aren't supposed to keep coming back from love or duty or eventually to care for them as they get older. The connection will always be there in a less tangible way, but let's face it. Intangible just isn't the same and it's not enough.

My experience has been that in the beginning, questioning and rejecting need had to do with distrust, the inequality of the relationship, and just the improbability of caring in that context.

But later there was a lot of the questioning of growing up. The recognition that I was getting stronger and handling things better, and that while I needed him just as much as ever, I didn't *need* him just as much as ever. The need wasn't so much that I'd collapse on the floor in a nonfunctioning heap and die without him.

Somehow the fears stay just as strong. And there are new things to have to deal with in every stage.

Or this may be more to do with me, and not useful to you at all at this point. :)




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