Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Why do I need my therapist?

Posted by Daisym on March 4, 2010, at 22:22:41

Or more accurately, WHAT do I really need him for? I am a very competent woman, who does not need day-to-day advice about life choices or work. In fact, when he starts giving me advice, I tend to shut down.

But I KNOW that when we aren't connected, I do way worse. I feel sad and lost and my productivity goes down. And I'm much, much more anxious.

I'm struggling with my need for him again - the cycle is familiar. I have all the "shouldn'ts, mustn't - it isn't real" voices going off. I've been telling him, even as he feels me pulling away.

Today we talked about the possibility that I need him for emotional regulation. It isn't safe to feel any feelings when I'm not connected to him. But these feelings are insisting on being felt and dealt with - so I need him in order to do that. Otherwise I'm "fine" -- which means I'm numb. And being numb is sooo lonely and awful now. He thinks that I was taught to hide all feelings and reactions, since you never knew what you were going to get in return. So I never learned how to digest and integrate any intense feelings - happy or sad.

And the more aware I am of this deep need and the value of the connection, the more terrified I am that it will disappear. He tells me that is what all "humans" fear - losing someone they love. He sees it as a good thing.

Ug - I wish I could settle in and just allow the connection instead of struggling against it. I know I'm not here much anymore but this is something that almost no one understands, except my Babble friends. So -- thoughts?




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poster:Daisym thread:938580