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Re: What's wrong with judgement? backseatdriver

Posted by Nadezda on September 4, 2009, at 19:25:32

In reply to What's wrong with judgement?, posted by backseatdriver on September 2, 2009, at 17:06:15

There's no particular problem with making judgments. But in common usage, that's different from being judgmental.

Being judgmental involves making a lot of negative judgments about people, particularly moral judgments, as if to say that you yourself are morally (or otherwise) superior and looking down on them. Most people try to be as accepting as possible of others, at least except on really important issues, if only because they would also like others to accept them, despite some differences in values, abilities, etc. Another reason to be accepting is that often being judgmental of others is tied to being rather judgmental toward oneself-- which can be self-destructive.

Anyway, it's in my mind the opposite of kindness, emotional generosity and openness. For those reasons, I try to become less judgmental and more accepting and appreciative of people.

As far as Ts go, there are special reasons to be grateful--and therefore generous in spirit-- because if you've been seeing a T for a while, this is a person who has been caring, concerned, and thoughtful about you. For
those and other reasons,I suppose I would be likely to think the things that bothered me weren't important compared to the person's contribution to my life--if not in the moment, at least ultimately. That's not blind acceptance, or idealization, but at least not being judgmental.





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