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Re: :( Dinah

Posted by Nadezda on September 3, 2009, at 2:10:30

In reply to Re: :( CharlieGrll, posted by Dinah on September 2, 2009, at 9:01:14

I really understand where you're coming from Dinah. Of course you don't want to think that your T would feel empathy or concern for the library guy.

I mean, I can see that he might feel some sort of human compassion, from a very great distance for many things.. But would he feel compassion primarily? or only? even in the best case, assuming the person were not a serious perpetrator?

But if the person had committed hurtful or destructive acts, such as the library guy did, I'm sure your T, like all of us, would feel deeply conflicted feelings about them and what they''ve done. Being a therapist doesn't mean unconditional positive regard no matter what. It may mean some sort of commitment and may lead to compassion for the damage that person himself has suffered. I truly believe that it must be very difficult work.

The library guy aside--I can't consider someone who hurt you as the same as others--, I feel some compassion for people who are tormented by what they've done-- or who struggle with it..

But would your T work with someone like this who didn't have redeeming elements-- who didnt have some goodness in them?. it depends so much on who they are as a person, and the reasons that they hurt people.. If they lack a conscience,or remorse, or a sense of wrongfulness about it-- perhaps that's another issue altogether.

And no-- I don't think he's the same person with you as he would be with anyone-- in your case especially -- Most certainly not with someone who was capable of hurting vulnerable children or adults. No matter who Ts help, they don't simply do it the same way no matter what the person. And remember, they don't help everyone who comes-- they do have limits. I believe Daisy's T if he says he can't work with perpetrators.

I hope you talk with your T-- I feel sure that in time, you'll refind him. I don't think it changes the deepest things. Does it change it at all? Yes, I suppose-- he's a little different-- but --maybe in a good way, in being willing to take on such a difficult work. Perhaps you'll always have a touch of queasiness about it and feel brought too close to contact with this part of life, -- But I respect his decision to make what I see as a rather unappealing choice for his own work. I'm sure there are types of practice that offer more comfort and more pleasant thoughts. So maybe you'll also see him as someone who has chosen a harder path. At the same time, I'm sure he would do everything in his power to protect you from the library guy or anyone like him.

Nadezda


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poster:Nadezda thread:915379
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/915543.html