Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: Wanting

Posted by workinprogress on September 3, 2009, at 1:44:24

In reply to Re: Wanting, posted by Daisym on September 3, 2009, at 1:17:18


I think Daisy's advice is really really important. Try not to push it back (as hard as that is) as it a) only makes it worse and b) doesn't make it go away. And keep trying to give yourself compassion. Who doesn't have needs? Who wouldn't want more caring, noticing, and compassion? And/or whatever else you feel from your therapist. And what's wrong really with wanting those things? Wanting more of those things?

My therapist once said, "in a perfect world, I'd take you home with me. But I can't do that, so we do the best we can here". Keep talking to her about it (I know it feels like you talk about it all the time- but share your feelings, it helps). I really think opening up and letting yourself connect and attach, painful as it is, is the key to really growing, healing, and in the end, internalizing your therapist and becoming independent. Seems counterintuitive, but I've come to believe that the more attached I am, the closer I become to independence- because the more attached and connected I am, the more secure I feel about the relationship and therefore me.

Lastly, here's my latest epiphany. After two years of a LOT of pain, wanting, and yearning I've come to the following conclusion: the yearning isn't so painful without the berating and beating myself up. Most of the pain came from judging myself and my feelings of yearning and wanting. I'm not sure that I yearn much less right now, but it isn't such a hard feeling now that I just let it be. It's when I pulverize myself for yearning that it really hurts. I've finally realized that most of the pain from yearning was self-inflicted and not so much a result of the yearning itself. So, do your best to be kind to yourself and try to be ok with your feelings.

That said- the other day I also said "I wish I had known that a long time ago, so I could stop beating myself up" and my T said- you probably weren't ready to learn it. We learn things when we're ready... so, just try to be ok with yourself where you are, the best you can.

Hang in there. It's hard work, but worth it....





Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:workinprogress thread:915522