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Re: I suppose I'm being silly onceupon

Posted by workinprogress on September 3, 2009, at 1:29:48

In reply to Re: I suppose I'm being silly Dinah, posted by onceupon on September 2, 2009, at 22:22:36


I don't think you're being silly at all. I understand having really hard feelings come up about that. But I think some of the previous posters might be on to something in thinking that it really is something and important, particularly to survivors, that someone is trying to work with perpetrators in order to stop the abuse. If he succeeds with just one of these folks, someone can be saved from what so many here have suffered. And, my guess is that it is probably from some place of wanting to stop the abuse, rather than sympathy for the perpetrator, that he chose the work focus he did.

It might be interesting to talk to him about why he made that decision in terms of his focus. My guess is that it might be to prevent the very abuse he works to ... hmm, what's the word, I suppose heal/come to terms with, in his other clients.

That said, I *so* get it being *really* hard to reconcile positive regard, warm feelings, and love that you feel from your therapist mommy, with him having similar (though not the same) interactions with these particular clients. But, I bet so much of the cycle of abuse is from the absence of those things (and abuse towards them as well), such that those warm feelings that you might not think such individuals warrant, are actually essential to healing for those persons. In fact, the absence in some part probably contributed to the cycle, as such, continuing to deny such feelings and acceptance to a person could actually perpetuate the cycle.

So.. yeah, that got really circular and intellectual- I think even I, not a survivor except for emotional abuse and neglect which doesn't quite count, have to intellectualize it a bit in order to be ok. But, my thought really is that I bet if you talked to your therapist about why he does the work he does, why he works with these folks, well, I just guess you'll feel better about it. Seems that's what almost always happens when we talk it through. But my guess is (without being a mind reader) that he's doing it to take some part in stopping that cycle, protecting future Dinahs...

Again... not to say your feelings aren't fine (they are your feelings after all) and natural. I can imagine I'd feel the same way. Maybe just another perspective/angle from which to view it...

Hang in there and keep us updated- as I know you'll take the babble advice and talk to him...






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