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Re: Feeling kind of blue (**csa trigger) antigua3

Posted by Garnet71 on August 21, 2009, at 12:39:56

In reply to Feeling kind of blue (**csa trigger), posted by antigua3 on August 20, 2009, at 12:05:50

Hi Antigua,

It seems perfectly normal to grieve the lost you's. Sometimes I think for disassociation, they were never separate-they were actually part of the total self--so you are actually grieving losing a part of your self....now you are going through the grieving process and have to get through the steps of grief before you can rebuild?

Or maybe your feelings come from fear of facing life from the view of that vulnerable little girl? Of course that scary. You've used those defenses for years to block out pain-now you know you have to face your day to day life as the vulnerable girl you were way back when...but it also seems like an opportunity--the appropriate time to learn to build healthy defenses while you rebuild. That's key-learning to build healthy defenses and ways of coping while you are in this process. Perhaps this process is just beginning for you but you have not yet realize it has already started?

I've read one of the most prominent sources of therapy failure is the removal of defenses w/o building new ones timely and appropriately. Perhaps your T recognizes this by wanting to slow down? It seems you've recognized the need to slow down as well. Please be cautious - it seems the flood of memories/emotions are overwhelming to you, which is more than understandable.

Not too long ago, a T I tried out dismantled my defenses in 45 minutes, much like Davanloos S/T psychodynamic techniques. I feel I amalgalated with my pre-disassociated state--which was traumatic and scary. I cannot say I know how you feel, but I can relate...I've had to cope with no defenses, lost and helpless and feeling all the deep despair that I never realized existed because I blocked it out so long ago. It took me 2 months to find an appropriate T. I recognize that energy depletion you speak of, and my energy has just started to come back now 2 months later...to enable me to face this. But hey, I survived that 2 months w/little to no support. And you will survive too. It sounds like you are in good hands.

I don't know but it seems to me you do have to go through a grieving process and that you may be just at the beginning stages of rebuilding, which seems scary and unpredictable and beyond your control (for right now). I think the depletion of your energy is from being overwhelmed by emotions, but I have a feeling it's temporary and that you will get stronger. If you slow down a bit, grieve, take some time to work on ways to cope, I bet you are at the rebuilding stage and the energy you need to build new defenses will come back. I guess too that you are already starting to do this-but don't recognize it yet.

New beginnings, while painful and scary, are an opportunity and can be beautiful--this is your new beginning.

 

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poster:Garnet71 thread:913139
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/913337.html