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Re: finally diagnosed with personality disorder

Posted by Nadezda on August 18, 2009, at 21:30:38

In reply to Re: finally diagnosed with personality disorder Sigismund, posted by deerock on August 18, 2009, at 21:01:51

Do you think you're experiencing more discomfort than most people?

And why, by the way, do you believe that people with personality disorders, if there is such a thing, can't regulate their emotions? DBT is a form of therapy predicated on the idea that people can and do.

Maybe you don't at the moment do this well, but it can be worked on and a lot of progress made. It doesn't really matter what other people are experiencing or doing, does it? What matters is the quality of your life. Feeling or thinking that you have a disability, that you'll never be as well as most people, and other things-- even interpreting your Ts words as meaning that you have a personality disorder-- doesn't improve your sense of self or of emotional regulation. So maybe it's not worth calling up those thoughts. Maybe they're making it worse, rather than better-- and may be you have some choice about how to you see yourself.

Words, even as thoughts, have tremendous power. If I keep telling myself something's a catastrophe, I start to feel awful. If I think instead that it's a challenge, that perhaps I have things to work on, that I haven't achieved all that I want, but that it's a process-- or other, kinder thoughts-- I feel stronger and more capable, and can see a way through. The same may apply to you, and to what you're creating in this moment, from this conversation with your T.

She seems to be trying not to contribute to your tearing yourself apart with such thoughts. But ultimately, only you can start to work on not going there. Even if it's hard-- or harder than for some people-- that doesn't matter, does it? if learning something, or being able to do something is hard, should one give up? or isn't the only path through to keep on, to be more unyielding in one's efforts?

I try to choose the latter, because if I want something, then I guess it's up to me not to be swamped by obstacles, but rather, to stand my ground, and work forward. It isn't about how hard it is, but about how determined I can be. One thing you learn, over time, is that everyone experiences suffering and anguish-- that everyone has to struggle against limitations, and that what is, is-- and what you do with it, is in an important way, the question that everyone faces.

Nadezda


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poster:Nadezda thread:912904
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/912909.html