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Re: Disappointment or Relief? Daisym

Posted by antigua3 on August 10, 2009, at 11:37:19

In reply to Re: Disappointment or Relief?, posted by Daisym on August 10, 2009, at 0:07:49

Thanks Daisy.

I guess it is hard to accept that our mothers grew up in a different world, where things often happened and kept secret.

I always feel like my mother is trying to one-up me on what happened, but the things she tells me don't, to me, seem to have been anywhere near as bad. But maybe I just don't know.

She makes me crazy when she does this and I begin to doubt myself and the severity of what I went through. Maybe I'm making a big deal over nothing? Maybe none of these things never happened? It brings forth so much denial, which has always been my strongest defense, one that has taken me so very, very long to let go of.

How does a person who has gone through terrible things that so many of us have really "know" how bad it was? For myself, it was just the things that happened to me and I don't know how bad they were. Does it really matter anyway? This isn't a contest to see who had the worse experience and I have trouble with that issue.

My T says I know how bad it was, but I just don't want to accept it yet.

I did have an interesting experience with this subject with both my psychiatrist and T. I was so sick of them saying, "you went through some awful things as a child," because I could never gauge what they meant. I often think that I'm just being a big baby and should just get on with my life. So, I found a way to ask them that would give me the answer I wanted and their answers were exactly the same, and it was harsher than I had anticipated. So I can't hide from it, but it also helped me understand that my pdoc knew and I've taken great comfort from that.

I will let you know what he says. It should be interesting.
thanks again,
antigua

 

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