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Re: letting go alexandra_k

Posted by 10derHeart on August 9, 2009, at 1:22:48

In reply to Re: letting go, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2009, at 0:52:45

>>i'm not sure what happened. but somewhere... sometime after i got out of hospital this last time... i decided to actually try and do some of this stuff that i know would be good for me. giving up smoking in one week... i don't quite know where this came from. but sometime after this last thing of 'i just want to curl up and die' i somehow decided... that i'd rather stand up and live.

You know, alex, reading this thread (and some others, maybe Writing) I have all these thoughts and ideas and questions and this and that...and it doesn't matter. Oh it might make interesting reading and I might even get to all those sometime soon...but it does not matter because I AM SO BUSY WIPING THE TEARS OF JOY FROM MY EYES READING WHAT YOU WROTE ABOVE. I have long prayed you would find some keys, unlock some doors, find the right corners to turn to find alex, the alex who Wants to Be Here. This is what I see happening now.

This is so profoundly important and you have changed. You sound wonderful. This is all good. I KNEW this would come to pass - way back - years back - don't ask me how (it's a deep talk for the Faith board...but not today...;-))

What I am so fumblingly trying to say here, alex, is that I am so proud and happy and excited for you. All of it - the gym - your T. (flaws and hurt and all) - what you have academically done already - the thought of medical school...I can hardly express myself. (am I embarrassing you yet???.....good!)

You are an inspiration. I joined our local community center (gym, health club, swimming, all that...) 6 weeks ago and have gone only 3 times. :-( NOW, I Want to...because of you. You reminded me of how one can get in a zone, how it's something to look forward to - not dread. Thank you for that. No platitudes or hyperbole here - from the bottom of my heart I am grateful I have been reading your posts just now in my life. I was backsliding every positive effort, rationalizing why I am too old, too fat, too lazy, too unorganized and all of a sudden....your posts made me stop and say,"no, you're not, actually." Like the ubiquitous Nike slogan (used to hate this, but...) 10der, when it comes right down to it - Just Do It.

Okay that was a ADD-driven, emotional mess just there, mixing up points and topics (do you know for me, I am sometimes a little scared posting to an expert in logic!! eeek ;-) )...but I know you can figure me out.

I almost never post here any more, and you got me to do it.

You have me in tears in a really good way (but you always could do that...)

I may go to the gym first thing tomorrow, largely because of you...thinking if she can, I can...

You totally freakin' rock.




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