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Not pushing back feelings AND not perseverating...

Posted by workinprogress on August 9, 2009, at 0:53:53

Hey there all. I'm a little stuck and wondering if anyone has some thoughts. I've spent much of my therapy unlearning the childhood habit of "pushing back my feelings" because feelings didn't work so well in my rational family. I've done a pretty good job of learning to recognize and name my feelings. To think them through and figure out what's going on. I've learned a lot in that department in the last two years.

However, I can get stuck in them too sometimes, something my T calls "perseverating". It's a great word really, here's the definition for those that don't know (I didn't):


continuation of something (as repetition of a word) usually to an exceptional degree or beyond a desired point

Basically it means to ruminate and get stuck.

So, I'm perseverating on perseverating if you can believe that. I'm trying to figure out how to find the sweet spot between not denying my feelings and not perseverating on them. What does that mean? I know that probably many people on this board have worked with their therapists on the basics of feelings. Recognizing them, acknowledging them, trying to understand them- accepting them/not pushing them away. But what's the middle ground between pushing them back and perseverating on them?

In particular, and this fits with some other threads going on... I'm noticing that it hurts, is painful, to love my T as much as I do. She's awesome and wonderful and really a gift. But, I love her so much it hurts. It hurts because I wish I had her growing up and I didn't. It hurts because I wish I could have more of her than I do. And it hurts because, well, it just hurts.

So, I'm trying to not push that feeling away, but I'm also trying not to perseverate on it.

Does that make sense to anyone? Does anyone have ideas for how to find that middle ground? What it looks like?

Any tips would be lovely...





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