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Re: letting go

Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2009, at 0:52:45

In reply to Re: letting go, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2009, at 0:31:51

weights helps improve bone density, apparently. i need to check about the metal, though. have a plate in my tibia so i'm a bit worried about lifing leg weights with my lower leg. it is unclear to me how much it is bad to put that kind of pressure on my lower leg given the plate, or how much it is beneficial for me to lift weights with my lower leg because it will help improve bone density around the fracture. i think... the idea is to... get the metal out. so that the pressure is on the fracture (improving its density) rather than on each end of the plate (which might not be so good). i'm kinda reluctant because i'm afraid that i'll make things worse...

but i think i just need to do it. can (kinda) tell the difference between muscular fatigue and trouble with the bone... maybe just start light... my other leg can pick up most of the weight if it feels dubious... will talk to surgeon when the referral comes through.

they keep saying that lifting weights helps improve self-esteem. i didn't quite get why... why think that instead of cardio for instance? i think part of it is about just pushing through fatigue. the muscle starts wobbling and feels like its going to drop the weight or fail to get it up. and from somewhere... you find some kind of inner strength... whether it be 'you f*ck*ng left me you arsehole' or what the f*ck ever. and... you get the weight up. and you never thought that you could do that. you got it up! and you feel amazing. you CAN do it. you are stronger than you thought. you exist. there now. you made a difference in the world. you manipulated something successfully. and then mmm endorphins. how good does that feel????

people have raved at me about the virtues of exercise for a while now. i know it is typically what i suggest to others. but as for me... whatever. never thought it was something that i would do.

i'm not sure what happened. but somewhere... sometime after i got out of hospital this last time... i decided to actually try and do some of this stuff that i know would be good for me. giving up smoking in one week... i don't quite know where this came from. but sometime after this last thing of 'i just want to curl up and die' i somehow decided... that i'd rather stand up and live.




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