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Re: letting go

Posted by alexandra_k on August 8, 2009, at 23:39:31

In reply to Re: letting go, posted by alexandra_k on August 8, 2009, at 23:16:50

And it is partly about independence, too. Maintaining that. I've depended on people who weren't dependable in the way I needed for so long... And so I want to have a good shot at maintaining my independence as much as possible for as long as I can.

I spent time in hospital. Two shattered ankles / feet. The care I got wasn't so good because not many people cared for me. There weren't concerned relatives in the vicinity asking if there was anything they could do to help. There weren't people who were concerned about my care. The care I got suffered because of it. I noticed it immensely when my friend here got sick. The doctors / nurses did much more for him than they would have done if he didn't have the caring relatives / friends that he had.

I've been told that I can expect to be in a wheel chair later in life. I'd really... Rather not. There are options. Ankle replacements. Technology is getting better all the time. Health care is expensive. There are all kinds of things you can do if you have the funds / personal relationships / professional relationships. The best thing I can do for my health is to develop an active concern in my health. Do everything I can do to maintain it. Makes it much more likely that others will be motivated to care for it as best they can. Will help that out, too, if I am motivated to help others with it as best I can.

I know two people who were on track for academia who switched to medicine. Both at different places. The change in them in considerable. A lot of it is about the 'role' that you play in society / life. There are different expectations that we have on people who play different roles. We expect that policeman to respect the law even when he is off duty. We expect teachers to be good with kids even when they are off duty. We expect doctors to conduct themselves appropriately even when they are off duty. An 'emergency' could happen... And one might be placed to make the difference. It becomes... Part of how one views oneself. Certain professions / careers / roles in life can become a significant part of ones identity.

A 'student' is all about 'potential'. I've played a number of different roles in society... I think medicine is something I can do.

I've realized something about my supervisor... He is friends with the professor of general practice here. Think he is his doctor, even. They hang out a lot. My professors health is... Dubious. Having his friend around if something happens to him... Could make a considerable difference. You would pay a fortune for that quality of care. Social relationships... I don't want to be in a wheel chair dammit. I want to be... The best me I can be. I want... To make some kind of beneficial difference in this world. Teaching undergraduates... I'm dubious about... Helping suffering people... Would help make my life manageable / worth living.

Maybe... Think of the childless childcare worker. Someone who does that to the best of her ability and is the best childcare person she can be (or is working towards that). Sometimes... Abstaining from having children yourself can be a way of actually maximizing your assistance to people more generally. The world is overpopulated (from an environmental point of view). And there are people... Planning to bring more children into the world even though there isn't appropriate care for all the children who are in the world already. Why not simply focus on those who are around? Sure my issues play into all of this. But, really, who doesn't have issues? I don't know of anyone who doesn't... And I don't think my issues threaten to undermine the whole thing... Really... I don't.

But it is something that I think on, indeed.




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