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Re: no hug--sunny

Posted by Nadezda on August 7, 2009, at 11:38:13

In reply to Re: no hug sunnydays, posted by seldomseen on August 7, 2009, at 9:18:44

Gosh, Sunny, I'm so sorry your T felt that he couldn't hug you. I'm sure it's a policy that he believes he must honor and that he would feel wrong inside about violating it. But that doesn't help you, I know, with the sad sad feelings of loss and abandonment and need.

I wish we could explain to him that it's all right, and that maybe it was the time for an exception. But you know, there might have been many times that he wished he could hug you and make everything all right. And, as he says (I know it's not much comfort now, but I think someday you'll really feel it) that he tries to hug you in his thoughts and his caring-- because the boundaries are just something that he wouldn't be himself-- the person whom you value and care about-- without-- or if he let himself express things in a physical way. If you could see inside his heart you might feel a lot better because you would know, in a deeper, more believable way, of his caring.

Try to believe in the future, though. It takes time-- it can be a slow, painful process-- but you will feel that caring enough, over time. You'll come to know that it's there and that nothing can take it away--

Maybe if you try to think of a few things that you can be grateful for--as Seldom said-- being young and having a lot of time to work on these issues, not leaving it for later in life; even something as simple as geetting up in the morning and looking out the window and seeing the sun and the trees-- you'll feel a tiny bit better. It helps me sometimes-- and like Seldom, I'm often surprised at the things I do have that I take for granted.

It's hard to get through these times of feeling so lost and alone. I hope you can keep turning your mind, over and over, to more hopeful thoughts. Even if it's a struggle against the dark thoughts, I know over time, they won't win out.





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