Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Re: no hug

Posted by Daisym on August 7, 2009, at 0:18:15

In reply to Re: no hug, posted by peddidle on August 6, 2009, at 21:41:16

No matter how gently he says it, it is a terrible rejection. At least, I think that is how it feels at first. Allow those tears and I think you can mourn a little for what he can't give you. Because things like this highlight what your parents didn't give you and he can't completely make up for. This is a wound that runs deep.

And then, try and appreciate how safe he is keeping things. He has chosen, for his own reasons, to not hug. But I know you've felt held by him - with his words and his actions. You are in his thoughts too. So he can and does comfort you. Not hugging is not the same as withholding comfort.

I've struggled with this a lot. My therapist does not hug either - and he is pretty open about all the ways he shows his caring. We've talked about it and there are times when it feels like a hug would be the exact right thing to do. But the stuff we are working on would eventually taint those hugs and make him and that room feel unsafe. Nothing is worth that.

I'm sorry about your accident. I'm so glad you are safe and unhurt.




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